Booking the Worst Possible Royal Rumble
The Royal Rumble of Regret: A Recipe for Disaster
Preparation is Key:
Venue: Book the Rumble in a small high school gym with terrible acoustics and flickering fluorescent lights.
Hype it Up: Promise epic returns, legendary clashes, and earth-shattering moments, then underdeliver at every turn.
Musical Mishaps: Hire a deaf DJ who keeps playing outdated remixes of forgotten WWE themes.
Entry Chaos:
Entrant 1: Hornswoggle, wearing a ridiculous inflatable suit that pops immediately, eliminating him.
Entrant 2: The Boogeyman, but he stumbles on the ramp, spilling his worms and causing a biohazard cleanup delay.
Entrant 3: A concussed D-Von Dudley, mistaking the Royal Rumble for catering. He wanders aimlessly for five minutes before being escorted out.
Entrant 4: A cardboard cutout of John Cena, accidentally knocked over by Corey Graves while he's eating nachos.
Mid-Match Mayhem:
Botched Eliminations: Referees miss obvious eliminations, leading to mass confusion and endless replays.
Technical Difficulties: The ring ropes snap, sending wrestlers tumbling into the crowd.
Celebrity Interference: Logan Paul attempts a moonsault off the top rope, landing on Samantha Irvin and causing a lawsuit.
Food Fight: Akira Tozawa throws a banana peel at Eva Marie, sparking a chaotic food fight with stale concession stand offerings.
Climax of Calamity:
Final Two: Jinder Mahal and Hornswoggle (who somehow snuck back in).
Anti-Climactic Finish: Jinder Mahal wins by tripping over Hornswoggle, who eliminated himself by falling asleep.
Main Event Announcement: Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar in a 30-minute thumb war for the Universal Championship.
Bonus Misery:
The fireworks malfunction, setting the pyrotechnics guy's hair on fire.
The winner's trophy breaks open, revealing a voucher for a local used car dealership.
The post-Rumble celebration features stale cake and lukewarm soda.
Guarantee: This Royal Rumble will leave fans feeling cheated, confused, and utterly disappointed. You're welcome (not really).
Remember, this is just a starting point. Feel free to add your own brand of booking insanity to create the absolute worst Royal Rumble experience imaginable!